It was my last day at work. Said all the goodbyes and gave all the hugs and kisses. Had my lunch and thanked my consultants for being exceptionally brilliant throughout my two years working in the UK. Then it all started.
I was walking back towards the secretary's office to hand in my bleep when my colleague had asked me to help her see a patient in the antenatal ward. Apparently she was heading towards the gynae ward to attend to another emergency. Oh well, just another case before leaving so i agreed.
I entered the ward and the first midwife i met looked afraid and shaky. I asked her what was the matter and she gave me a run down of the case. Here it goes;
A 40 year old (A-PAWLING ANNETTE was her name but i had paid no attention to the APAWLING part!) plus patient came self admitted with complaints of per vaginal bleeding and abdominal pain and claimed she can't be pregnant although she did had 6 months period of amenorrhoea (no periods basically) . She was acting really abusive and aggressive and had taken a swiped at the potter already (at this point the potter was mumbling over his walkie talkie ' its ok...everything is under control..the registrar is here' also showing me a plaster on his hand). She is now in the side room, locked in the bathroom and refused to come out.
I asked the midwife whether she looked pregnant but the midwife replied that the patient was high on the BMI side so it was difficult to know. Immediately i asked for a portable ultrasound scan to be brought over. I then motioned myself towards the room and as i approached, i could hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs saying ' i am going to kill myself!!! how can i be pregnant!! i dont't wanna be in the hospital!!! '
My heart started pumping faster, shunting all my blood to my head to help me think. The first thing i had thought of was, 'oh my god...we have got a possible psychiatric patient in the ward and an agressive one...what would happened to the rest of the patients??? how am i going to ensure the safety?'
In the room, another midwife was trying really hard to convince and persuade the patient out from the toilet. I asked whether the consultant on-call had been informed. Well at this point i thought he should be informed. Then another scream "IF ITS A MALE DOCTOR I DON'T WANNA SEE HIM...ITS MEN WHO DID THIS TO ME!!!!! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!!"
I told the midwives there (which suddenly doubled in numbers perhaps tripled) to try and get a female doctor if the patient didn't want a bloke. But, at this moment, the patient gave in and came out...with a PLASTIC BAG covering her head!! SHIT!! Definitely PSYCHIATRIC CASE I told myself. I politely introduced myself to the patient who at this point remained aggressive and loud. The pillows, magazines and jugs of water were all over the floor. I looked at her tummy, but couldn't convinced myself she was pregnant at all. I proceeded to chat with her and suggested she sits on the chair to start off with. Then I requested for her to allow me to remove the bag over her head of which she agreed to.
THEN!! THEN!!! that i noticed it was a familiar face, one of which i recognised immediately..... it was one of the midwives!!! and there was i standing in the room with laughter and claps all around... They had me! I have been punked. My heart stopped palpitating and slowed down. I was flushed with embarrassment. I applauded to their acting skills. Absolutely incredible.
